just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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