she kept yelling 'call me bella'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
