You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
