Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
