I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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