if i can run in heels then i can drive
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
