Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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