Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize