I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sarcasm needs its own font
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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