I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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