Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
