Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
