He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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