The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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