I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
