nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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