Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
