Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
