The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
