When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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