Acid is not a monday night drug
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
