Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I supernannyed him into submission
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
