pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
