you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
