Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
