Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
