tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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