If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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