From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
