Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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