your parents love me but you hate me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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