u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
