We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
