I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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