bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
