Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
