Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
