i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
