I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
