sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
