he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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