I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
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We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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