PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am available for nakedness
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
