4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
