Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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