I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
