can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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