I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
