my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
