he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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