wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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