I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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