its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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