i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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