OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
