so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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