what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
