Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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