Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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