I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
