Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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