Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
