You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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