I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
