Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
