too bad you live with your parents still
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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