i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
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