yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
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Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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