I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
