he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
