Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He? As in you personified your dick?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
