go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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