if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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