I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
