$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
