just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
