how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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