His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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