I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
